A Diary of OCD

My struggle started as a child, but was extremely mild, and only was in the form of checking things. In college I can remember checking the stove over and over again before I would leave for class. I hadn't even had it on in the morning, but I still was compelled to check it.

After my dad passed away from illness in 1991 (I was 20), my OCD began to spread into the fear of germs and getting sick. Many people consider me to be a clean freak, but what I am is a germ freak. I wash my hands many, many times a day. I have never counted, but it is high (100+ ish). When my kids were born, I became worse. I was worried they may get sick, so I would make sure I would wash their hands, and I always stayed clear of homes that I knew had “sick” kids, even just the sniffles.

This was all gradual, but I have gotten to the point where I see it is interfering with my life and the lives of my kids. It is becoming a defining quality in my life, and I don't want to be defined by my obsession. I want to be a kind person who thinks of others, not a weird person who only thinks of others as a way to get more unwanted germs. I want help now, and I finally feel like I am ready to take a step toward a more healthy existence.

I plan on using this blog as a diary. I hope that maybe it will serve as a way for people with OCD to communicate and find out ways to help support each other. Selfishly, I am hoping that writing some of my daily activities down will help be therapeutic for me as well. I do not want to live in the agony that I am now, I want to find peace and some way to fit into the "real" world.

"We are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it to the full." -Marcel Proust