Salmonella in aisle 3 ?!

I don't want to contaminate my family with any kind of food (well, who does really), so I wash and rewash my hands throughout the food preparation process. This can take a very long time to do. To pack my daughter's lunch, it can take 10-15 minutes. Am I cooking her a filet with a hollindaise sauce? No, it is just a sandwich and some snacks. I actually have to have my kids help me “listen for the pop,” when I open a jar of tomato sauce in case it was already opened. I don't trust myself to hear it or to know that it was in fact sealed properly. I have wasted countless items because I wasn't sure if it was sealed, or opened already, or stored properly. So now this obsession is not only costing me time, it is costing money too!

The food contamination obsession came to a fiery pitch after I learned of our good friends' daughter's ordeal. My friend's daughter(7 years old) had what they thought was a stomach virus. Well, after being in the hospital for three days they diagnosed her with having salmonella. The young 1st grader was in the hospital for a total of 5 days, and missed 3 weeks of school! After much deliberation, the parents think she may have contracted it from eating melon at a church picnic, but they may never be sure of the source. So, to say the least, I am no longer able to eat any melon, or let my kids eat melon either. I see melons at the store and they might as well have "I'm poisonous" signs written all over them...I try to stay clear. Well, today I was tested yet again. My son (2 years old with a mind of his own) and I were in a small produce stand near our home and as I was paying he passed by the cantaloupes. Now, I don't think he touched them, and honestly, I don't know if he could even really reach them, but I have been obsessing over this ever since (about 3 hours). As soon as we got back in the car I took out the Purell and slathered it all over his hands. Then of course he wanted to do it himself too, so I let him. I almost went home before going on our next errand (so I could properly wash his hands), but I thought that was even too extreme. SO, we went to the next store and as I put him in his stroller, I wiped his hands with a hand wipe. Why? That is the foundation for my issues. I can't seem to let it all go. When we got home, I washed his hands with soap and water and continued to worry about him getting salmonella from the dreaded cantelope. I then go through all the "how could you let this happen?" "Why didn't you hold him like you usually do?" "Why didn't you watch him more carefully while you were paying to make sure he didn't actually touch anything?" The obsessive part of this is that these questions circle round and round in my head and create a neverending state of turmoil.

These days I seem to float from crisis to crisis. Lately I feel a lot like a simmering pot of water that is just at the point of boiling. I cry a lot and I am constantly asking God to help me and to get me through this. I have never felt so out of control and I have never felt so helpless. I need to find someone to help me...I need to give my mind a rest...I need to find peace.